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happier man

We know the world is doomed.
We know that life is cursed.
If you berate the hand of fate,
you'll only make things worse.

Know your limitations.
Formulate a better plan.
Modify your aspirations.
Be a happier man.

- Bertol.t Bre.cht, The Thr.eepenny Ope.ra

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

hate my birthday

Friday looms like a car insurance payment. My birthday always brings me down. It's not so much about getting older -- I, in fact, am embracing the onset of gray hair -- as it is about having an intermittent flow of people that fall into that heinous realm between stranger and friend come up and congratulate me for popping out of my mother 29 years ago.

Hey, buddy, congratulate her.

I sound like an ingrate, I know. But while I don't suffer from stage fright or fear of speaking in public, my skin crawls at the thought of all the small talk I'm going to have to make with people I barely know (and that's so much scarier to me than talking with a stranger).

On the plus side, I'll get free cake and maybe some nookie(?)

34 Comments:

At 5:45 PM, Anonymous said...

Get over yourself. Your birthday is not as important as you seem to think it is. That's what I read in between the lines. Being upset by people celebrating your life is a sign of needing to be in total control of everything and everyone and extreme selfishness by not allowing other people to express their feelings. (Possibly because it's difficult for you to express your own). Start being okay with how other people feel and conduct themselves. Forget your stupid birthday. Celebrate being alive in a free world, having a roof over your head, and enough food to eat. If these
blessings are yours, every day could be Thanksgiving. You need an attitude adjustment.
I'm amazed that with your current arrogant and thankless demeanor that ANYONE would be interested in giving you free cake, let alone "nookie."

 
At 12:09 AM, Anonymous said...

At least people care that it's your birthday.

 
At 12:10 AM, Anonymous said...

It's my birthday and my own mom forgot to call me until around midnight. If people made small talk with me all day about my bithday I would be grateful.

 
At 9:19 AM, Hanna said...

i hate my birthday. i don't care about presents or celebrations or any of the materialistic things. i just wish that the people i call friends remembered my day like i remember theirs. a call, email or text is all i want. just to know that they are thinking of me. but to top it all off my own family have forgotten and that makes me feel rubbish. am i that horrible??

 
At 12:22 AM, Anonymous said...

I hate my birthday too !!! for the same reasons as the author of this post. My birthday just makes me think of all the things I'm not and will never be. Make's me think of how much in debt I am. If one person says happy birthday to me it makes me feel uncomfortable. Its only a big deal to kids because they get toys and attention, for me it's just another day. Happy one day closer to death day !!!

 
At 4:55 PM, Anonymous said...

glad to see I am not the only one who gets depressed on their birthday. People never remember to at least call or email on your birthday-- Friends(I thought they were my friends), Family( I thought they would have remembered --especially my mom- but for years she is more consumed with my sisters birthday which is 4 days later than mine),

 
At 6:51 AM, Anonymous said...

On my birthday I feel as though I do not deserve to be treated special. I dislike the day (today)because it makes me feel uncomfortable when people think it's My special day.

 
At 8:20 PM, Anonymous said...

atleast people actually celebrate your birthday.

 
At 1:20 PM, Anonymous said...

I hate it so much too. its today, and out of 10 persons i have invited only 3 are going to turn up, and not very close ones as well, its a bit embarassing actually

 
At 1:20 PM, Anonymous said...

Feeling a bit embarassed and think people dont respect me and i am a loser

 
At 6:13 AM, Anonymous said...

I have hated my birthday since I was 14 and got no presents. My mother shouted at me and told me I didn't deserve them.
I hated my fortieth Birthday as it was basically ignored except for a cousin giving me a "charity token gift" from a store she knew I loathed.Believe me she didn't mean it to be a pleasant guesture.
Last year I got one Birthday card. I don't really mind not getting gifts but I like Birthday cards. Actually I bought some vintage ones on Ebay for myself. My family have disowned me so I find my Birthday hard to cope with.
I hide from my Birthdays and back away from those of other people.
I have never had an adult celebration and haven't had a party since I was ten years old.
I find it difficult when someone comments about my birthday as I find it embarassing. I just want it to be over with. The whole experience is usually gruesome.
Last year was great, my husband took me to Hastings and I played in the rock pools but this year the weather is not up to it and I want the day over with.

 
At 1:45 PM, Anonymous said...

*hugs* sorry to hear about your birthday but it could be worse...Try people not caring, or remembering,but making other plans that day...then delaying celebrating your birthday say the next week or several weeks later..Gee, nice...

Try getting flowers for your birthday a week late...talk about feeling like rubbish...it makes you feel like you're not even worth it...because someone couldn't make the effort to get you flowers that day...and to top it off...Just being ignored but then getting upset at because you're not "sucking it up and being happy and positive about being ignore and alone."

Birthdays are rubbish that's all they are...pure rubbish and just designed to make people feel like crap.

You have to celebrate everyone elses, but then the forget yours...and then do it again the next year, and the next...and yet honestly wonder why you're so sour about your birthday.

 
At 4:50 PM, Anonymous said...

Im so glad I found this site. It's at least comforting to know there are other people out there who feel the same way as I do. Today is my birthday (11/11) and I absoluately HATE it!!!!! It's not the getting old part; it's getting forgotten. You are so right... everyone thinks you're supposed to be "happy" on your special day and when you're not you get yelled at because your down and that makes me feel even worse. Im down because I get forgotten; not made to feel special. One day, I plan to make myself feel special somehow... to hell with everyone else (but I haven't figured out how to do that yet). Im depressed and can't wait for Sunday just to get this lousy time of year over with. :_( Thanks for listening all. Happy birthday any way.

 
At 5:27 AM, Anonymous said...

I just had my birthday a few days ago and some really important people in my life forgot it - my girlfriend's parents and siblings. I was really upset because I feel like I am part of their family too but they just forgot "my day" (I never forget theirs!). So today they suddenly realised that they forgot and proceeded to send flowers and try to apologise. I didn't want the flowers...nothing "materialistic" can make up for that. And now I've come off looking ungrateful. Am I a horrible person? this whole thing has just left a bad taste in my mouth and I just want to forget it. Birthdays suck.

 
At 8:00 PM, Anonymous said...

its my birthday tomorrow and i am absolutely dreading it. None of my friends have ever cared about my birthday, even though i am the first to be throwing them all surprise paties and baking them cakes and whatnot...it just gets me really down. last weekend was one of my other friends birthdays and everyone turned it into a 4-day long party. It was exactly how i would have imagine an awesome birthday being for myself. But i know thats not how it will be. Not even close. I'll go for dinner with my boyfriend, then come home and go to bed. I'm so tired of trying to make everyone else feel good on their birthdays only to be let down by those same people year after year.

 
At 1:06 PM, Anonymous said...

I just had my birthday a few days ago and I cried all day. It was the worst. Just one day out of the year it would be nice to be treated extra special - I spend every day of my life doing things for other people - sometimes people I don't even know. My life is dedicated to the comfort and care of others. I think that's why I was so sad. I just wanted to be remembered in that same way - just once. I, too, don't want "things" - that's not important. I just want to know that I am appreciated for all that I do. Not a big request. Besides, those that did call me with a "birthday wish", spent the entire phone call talking about themselves. It really made me sick. I'm still pissed off. I am 41 years old, married with kids and grateful for everything that I have in this world. No, I do not feel bad about admitting that my birthday depressed me. It is not a selfish thing to want to be remembered by others...espescially when I do so much throughout the year for them. I think it quite sucks, actually.

 
At 1:42 PM, Anonymous said...

I know what you mean, it is my birthday today and it looms over me like the ice storm going on outside. Last years was a complete disaster and this year I was fooled into thinking that it was all going to be mighty fine but why was I kidding myself. It's not that I am complaining about it. I actually enjoy doing things for other people on my birthday because of the care they show for me. But since this whole birthday thing is blown out of proportion, some of us have to suffer for it. I don't appreciate people being hard on other people for not liking the birthday thing. That is my spout for today and oh unhappy birthday to me.

 
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At 11:20 AM, Anonymous said...

I know exactly what your talking about. Today is my birthday, and ever since my 13th birthday I always cry and feel so miserable the whole day. This year I convinced myself that it was going to be different, I was not going to cry and I was going to be at least semi happy the whole day. Well its not even noon and the tears have already started flowing. I think the reason why I feel the way I do is becasue when I was a little kid everyone used to make shuch a big deal on my birthday, and they would go out of their way to make me happy. But now its just a call from one or two people, and why shouldn't it be that way? After all on their birthdays a call, a visit, and sometimes a gift is all I give them.

 
At 2:53 PM, Anonymous said...

im so happy i found this, its my birthday in two days and im dreading it. I would do anything for my mates on their birthday but most cannot be bothered with me. It makes me feel like crap. Its good to know that im not the only onw who feels this way.

Im only 22, i shouldnt feel this way

 
At 3:35 AM, Anonymous said...

Thank God I found this site.

Yesterday I turned 23yrs and it was everything all of you said about a dreadful, horrific, hurting, lonely birthday.

The night before my birthday, I had to go to a cousin's birthday party in a hotel when her birthday was on the 6th March (She celebrated it on the 11th and mine is the 12th).

Of course, even if they pertainly knew, neither this cousin nor my aunt (mom's sister) greeted my day.

We returned home at midnite and neither my sister nor my mom thought to wish me my birthday.

In fact, they didnt greet me at all even when the day was through. My mom remembered at 5 p.m.

When they realised that they did nothing special they said they would go out for dinner.

I was so pissed that I refused though my fiance-to-be in 2 weeks, would be with us.

I was sour. Instead of trying to understand me, she yelled at me.

Know what they did when I said no- They were more pissed than me, calling me capricious and all the stuff.

They went out for dinner without me (BTW it was a public holiday yesterday & they did have time to do sth!)

When I think how I invest myself for their birthdays trying my very best to make them feel special, anyway ...

I dont comment on the friends part, i would only if they were really my friends.

Thanks x x

 
At 11:32 AM, Anonymous said...

Today, March 13th 2007 is my 34th birthday and I'm hating every minute of it. I'm also very glad I found this blog, with posts from people who feel and share the same feelings and emotions about their own birthdays. I haven't read all the blogs on this thread but from what I could gather, it seems like everyone has different reasons to be depressed on their birthdays and to hate that "special day", and I don't think an insensitive prick, like the second person who posted here said, ("Get over yourself. Your birthday is not as important as you seem to think it is")should make anyone dismiss their feelings about how we feel on the anniversary of the day we were born. I believe everyone's reasons are VALID and my heart goes to all of you who, for different reasons, feel the same as I do right now. After many birthdays of suffering, being alone, and other reasons i can't go into, this year I told everyone I know, especially my family and close friends, that I didn't want to hear from anyone, by any existing means of communication, the classic phrase "Happy Birthday". I forbade everyone from calling me, visiting me, emailing me, or buying me presents of any kind. I disconnected all my phone lines last night at exactly 12am and I don't want to hear from or see anyone until this "special day" is completely a thing of the past. I don't think people should judge you or question the reasons why anyone would not want to celebrate their birthday; I think people just respect your decision (and mine too) whether they agree with it or not. and Who is this second poster to say "Celebrate being alive in a free world, having a roof over your head, and enough food to eat..." blah blah blah ???? What if you don't want to celebrate being alive or any of those things you said? What if you're not happy? what if you're going through something so painful in life that prevents you from feeling any of those things you said? Should people feel any more guilty, or have extra pain added because people like you would not allow them to feel how they really do? You may not understand the reasons, you may not know the extent of the suffering, and you may not realize that the day of our birthday is not just the cause of how we feel, but the trigger to something deeper, to a bigger problem underlying, whatever that problem may be and whether we are consciously aware of it or not. All I know is that for the time being, at least today, it too would make me feel uncomfortable if someone told me "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". HAPPY FOR WHOM?... "IT'S YOUR SPECIAL DAY" Special???... I don't feel special and I don't think I am, not at least right now, not at least in this moment of my life. One of my best friends thought it would be cute to walk over my decision of not wanting to be greeted and be left alone, and sent me an email first thing last night saying Happy Birthday and blah blah blah, after I especifically told him not to do so. I know he meant well and all and I appreciate that but why can't people respect someone's decision? Is it so hard to do a small favor and honor someone's petty request for at least once? It's unmistakable that people have their own agenda for doing things or not doing them, and it may seem they do it for you because they think it's what's best for you but they're really doing it for themselves, consciously or unconsciously. I hope that you all, I mean, WE all can find some comfort in something, that we can have some true healing in our hearts for whatever wounds we may have, and that one day... may be just one day have that "happy and special day" be truly happy and special, whether it is the anniversary of your birth, or they day you leave this world.
With love and from the bottom of my heart,
By Christian Novara

 
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At 2:42 AM, Anonymous said...

today was my birthday and i wish it never happened. every year i hope that my b day will bring me much needed happieness and a feeling of being a part of peoples lives, but again and again i dont have a smile to hold on to and even less of a chance of having one each year. my family cant stand me and my friends are too busy with thier lives to see im hurting really bad, this day makes me feel smaller and smaller. i cant imagine whay it would be like to have a real home and a day that made me feel wanted,im only 22 years old and i feel like im older than the idea of birthdays itself like i wasnt around when they gave such a speacial thing. like i dont deserve it. ive done enough crying for a lifetime but it still hurts more than words can tell

 
At 9:49 PM, Christian Novara said...

I'm sorry to hear that you also wish your birthday would have never happened. I can relate to the the part where you say your friends are too busy with theirs lives. What's going on with your family when you say "they can't stand you"???. My love goes for you.I'm the guy who posted before you
Christian Novara

 
At 10:02 PM, Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you. Today is my birthday and i hate it. See when i was younger my mom used to make my birthday a big deal and throw huge parties. But now its different. I get a call from like two or three people and this year i had to make my own cake. How sad is that. I dunno i feel like every year there is a new restriction and i am really not getting any older because i still am not allowed to do anything. Yup right now the tears are flowing and they wont stop. Its nice to know my birthday isn't the only one that sucks. I am 17.

 
At 11:30 AM, Anonymous said...

there were lot of those birthdays when I felt alone, or people I thought would remember and say Happy B... just didn't, or If I'd set up a gathering or party, many i expected to show up would not. So I stopped "expecting" and demanded from everyone I knew NOT TO EVER GREET ME for my birthday and to forget it ever existed and made everyone promise that day would not call me, and warned everyone i would be want to be left alone, kinda like what the "Novara" guy posted before. That way at least I stopped expecting. I thought it would take the pain away, but why does it still hurt? I think there are more than expectation reasons that make us hurt on our birthdays, i really think it's something bigger, just don't know what it is yet, May be it's kinda like what someone on here said before, may be on the day of your birthday you're reminded of the things that you're not and the ones you think you'll never be, and you add all your current frustrations, and any other crap going on in your life. For some reason, ALL that becomes more real, vivid, and intense on your birthday and every part of you is more sensitive, vulnerable, and susceptible to pain, grief, and just hurt all around. I guess that's why a lot of people get like this on christmas and new years too. same crap, different smell

 
At 10:32 PM, Anonymous said...

I hate birthdays too. Tehy represent nothing special for me because nobody does anything special to celebrate "my day". The people that used to be my friends do not even call ona regular day. Firday nights are lonely nights....can you imagine how lonely tomorroe is going to be? The only one who is exited about my day is my bfriend. He is the the most popular person on earth, las year he had a party of about 60 guets and evrybody showed up. He absolutly loves bdays and msut think i am a freak for not loving bdyas as much as he does. I am feeling down becuasse tomorrow is a reality check day, tomorrow i will find out the painf truth that nobody cares about my special day. (besides my boyfriend)

 
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At 12:42 AM, Anonymous said...

A birthday is a complex issue. On one hand you have the parental influence of rejoycing because mom and dad got giggy one time, and didnt wrap it up. Or you were something special who knows. And then with the light comes the dark....the materialistic and lonlinees seeps in. These people who find out its your birthday who never give a flying care about you. Those are the weights that pull you down on your birthday. But, on a day such of this, suck it up and embrace. Make the most of an opportunity to do something special. Have a party, see someone who means something to you or have a gathering of those people. So much can be accomplished when you get your head out of the ground and lighten up. Its easy to fall into that "pit of despair" (I apologize for the horrible saying)but gain it back and do something. Some people don't get birthdays. Actually a lot don't. So have one for those who cannot.

 
At 3:27 PM, Anonymous said...

The date is April 5th, 2007, and I turn 21 today. I feel like crap.

 
At 12:09 AM, Anonymous said...

Never in my life have i cried so much in one day...tears kept on coming flowing...my eyes were big and red...i've never felt so much sadness...the day was my birthday. Since then i just disregard my birthday..its becomed just another day to me...i look at it as this..if my own family doesnt really care about my birthday...then why should i?

 
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